For those of you mad enough to actually read my numerous articles, think pieces and terrible jokes (usually held together by only the thinnest of links to the product in question), you’ll be aware that I spend most of my time wishing that life was more like ‘Star Trek’.

Here, then, with the advent of these new two-way radio earpieces, is a product that can help us get a little closer to that wish. We may still be light years away from warp drive and many decades away from even a rudimentary holodeck, but the classic TOS communicators and TNG ‘com badges’ aren’t all that far fetched.

(Look, I know I’m reaching with this one, just stay with me OK?)

Of course, these two way radio earpieces don’t take the form of a cool ‘flip open’ mobile phone gizmo, or a badge that gives you an excuse to touch yourself on the tit, so, in truth, you’ll probably look more like Madonna (or else the girl who takes your order at the McDonald’s drive through) when using it.

Still, the prospect is an appealing one. Although the practical application for an earpiece like this one is still closer to watching the doors of busy nightclubs than exploring the galaxy under a banner of peace, love (and uncomplicated sex with numerous green Women). In fact, this is a pretty important piece of security equipment.

The two-way functionality allows the user to both send and receive signals, meaning that you can quickly and efficiently contact the people you need to without worrying about fannying around with mobile phones. I’m pretty sure that the bouncers who swiftly ejected a drunken mate of mine from a student club for waving his tackle at a table full of girls a couple years back, were using them. They shut his ass down pretty quickly (although, to be fair, it wasn’t his ass they should have worried about!)

Motorola do a good line in affordable two-way earpiece models, but for my money, their Kenwood equivalents are a little bit better quality and actually cost a little less. At around the same price, Icom also offer a competitive product that will work like an absolute charm. To be perfectly honest, there’s not actually much to choose from between competing brands, all the makes mentioned will do a good job, all are about the same size and weight and all cost pretty much the same amount.

Now, I’m sure I don’t need to remind you that this two way earpiece thingy is absolutely not going to replace your mobile. I also don’t need to explain that, without other users in your immediate area to contact, it isn’t much more use than a leftover beans tin and some string. I also feel that I should make the disclaimer now that, even if you buy a two-way radio headset, Scottie is unlikely to beam you up, ever. Sorry about that. Apparently it constitutes a violation of the prime directive, either that, or he’s just too busy being a fictional character.

So, as it’s the season of giving, let’s evaluate this device as a Christmas present. Frankly, any of the models mentioned would make a spectacular gift for somebody in your life that might require one for work. However, outside of that use, you can comfortably file under: ‘amusing Christmas Day fun-fest that’ll be forgotten about not long after’. These are cheap products that do a good job, which are the kind of things I love to review. So, to sum up: they won’t cost the earth, they’ll do a fine job and they’ll make you look a bit like Madonna. OK, two out of three ain’t bad!

Well, as John Lennon once sang (and continues to sing, every Christmas, every year, and on every compilation whether you want him to or not) “another year over, a new one just begun”..